nipperkin

I think I talk too much. I was OK about it until lately, and now I've been talking the ear off of whomever will listen to me. Weird.

I talked to two of my coworkers about what I should do with my life now that I'm single and stuff... They think I should stay here for a bit at least, and see if I can get into choir and theatre and dance and whatever I want, and then I'll meet people and do fun stuff and stop thinking about Mike.

I had a (tearful) conversation with Mom about the whole breaking-up thing. She thinks I need to tell him right out that I am not interested in any contact with him anymore. I think she thinks he was being the way he was on purpose, not wanting to be the "bad guy" in breaking up with me, but wililng to treat me really badly just so I'd leave him. I don't think that's it at all.

I didn't say anything about it yesterday, but the intersection right next to my apartment complex was all messed up last night. There were police everywhere. I just wanted to get to Burger King, and it took me like half an hour to go what would have taken me ten minutes, because of all the weird detours I had to take. I was really annoyed... and then today I found out that whomever was being closed in the ambulance when I drove by the first time DIED. On the scene. So I was, in effect, watching a dead person get loaded into the ambulance. How scary is that? Now I feel bad that I was so frustrated about it before.

Mike and I broke up. I have talked to several people and typed to still more people about it, so I don't feel like writing about it here. And if I do, I'll just cry more. So I'm going to wait until later to write anything.

Time to put this project on hold... I don't have internet
access and I don't want to keep running to the library to
do this...

Whenever I come across someone's livejournal
randomly, and they talk about losing a boyfriend or
girlfriend, I always think of how pitiful they sound. I
don't know why. I know it's not very nice. But now it's
happened to me. Hope nobody else thinks I sound
pitiful.

Mike and I broke up last night. I could probably add that
it's a trial, that it's more like we're taking a break, but in
order for my heart not to break if we decide never to get
back together, I'm trying to think of it as an actual
breakup. I must now decide what to do about living here.
I will probably go back to Oregon, but I can't live with
either set of parents, and I don't have the money to go to
school unless I try for a revolving account or whatever
they call it. I have a bit of time to think about it. Several
months ago, my mother told me more than once that
when it didn't work out, she would help me get back
home and would let me live with her until I found a job,
and I could go to the college in Bend. I can't handle her
saying "I told you so!" So nobody knows right now
except for Mike's mom, and my sister, and Kelly (a.k.a.
Dandelion) found out because I had to call her and tell
her I couldn't be her roommate if she moved over here.

I've got too much running through my head right now to
really say anything. Besides, the library isn't exactly a
private place where I can burst into tears or anything.
My plan is to keep everything as business-like as
possible, to not let any emotion into it, until it's
absolutely necessary.